Mama Had a Birthday, Too

Some pictures from last weekend...

Pa gives me a gooey birthday smooch...



Super yummy birthday cake...



Great Grandmamma gets in some Nate Time...




Lil' Nate snoozes through it all...

Career Options: AOL Customer Service Representative

As seen on Break.com

Accidentally Set Baby on Fire and Dropped Flaming Infant onto Metal Spike

Now that I've got your attention, let me tell you about my visit to Gymboree this week. Because you wouldn't have read a post about Gymboree. But flaming babies on spikes piques your interest nicely. In fact, I fully expect you to stop reading since you've now seen the word "Gymboree", realize this post is not the violence and gore advertised, and that you've been surreptitiously duped into reading about an innocuous visit to Baby Gym Class.

Gymboree, if you know anything at all about it, will likely conjure images of toddlers singing songs and doing cutesy hand motions. Parents who take their children to Gymboree are very well intentioned. I consider myself to be well intentioned, wanting the best for my child, wanting him to develop normally, perhaps even desiring that he will even be better than normal, dare I say, advanced.

Gymboree is offered to "students" as early as 6 weeks. The 6 weeks - 6 months class was the one for us. I stopped in the closest gym and spoke with an administrator for a good 20 minutes about the upcoming semester, dues, missed classes, etc. I would pick up Nate from his sitter at lunch, go do a trial 45 minute gym class, decide it changed our lives and enroll for the semester, and then drop him back off at sitter's and then back to work. A lengthy lunch once a week, and we would be well on the road to becoming an orthopedic surgeon/tennis prodigy/inventor of time travel.

Nate is fed and recently napped when I pick him up. I change his diaper preemptively in the back seat. He is in a good mood and ready for some hardcore baby stimulation.

During this initial consultation visit, there was no mention of socks. His lack thereof, and the requirement that I be wearing them. When I pop in for our trial class I'm briefed on the basics:



"Just baby and Mommy in the class!" (In other words, ditch the carrier/ diaper bag/ pacifier/ purse) - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Baby goes barefoot!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Mommy wears socks!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

(Yes, every sentence does end in "!")

"Yeah, I stopped in the other day and spoke with someone for a long time about coming for this trial class, and there was no mention of socks" - Me, eyeing my cute strappy Ralph Lauren sandals

"I sell them! Mommies always forget their socks!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"I didn't forget, nobody told me..." - Me

"I sell them!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Would have been nice to know, I'd have brought socks I already own" - Me, becoming more and more aware that these socks I'm going to have to buy are not going to go with what I'm wearing

"It's ok, Mommies always forget them! I sell them! Stick them in your glove box and next time you won't forget them!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

(Sigh) "How much?" - Me

Our class was light, because it was the start of the new summer semester and it just hadn't filled up yet. There was a 4-month-old, a 6-week-old, and lil' Nater Tot (3 1/2-month-old). Their mommies were in comfy sweats and t-shirts, I am in black slacks and a silk chiffon blouse. And socks.

There is some singing, tapping on the ground, massaging baby, trying to get baby's attention with hand motions, baby slobbering on looking at himself in a big mirror during tummy time.

6-week-old, bless his adorable blank-stared little heart, had no balance or neck control and was probably very unaware he was even alive, much less that he was enjoying the first session of his $175/semester gym class. 4-month-old and Nate wanted nothing more than to look at each other the entire time. In fact, halfway through the class I turned Nate away from the teacher and towards 4-month-old to let them stare at each other to their heart's content. I'm doing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "This Little Piggy" on him trying to get him to look at me when we "Wash the spider out!", and he is just cooing and squealing at 4-month-old and 4-month-old is yelping and grinning back at Nate.

Sigh, so much for bonding between us two. He really dug looking at the other babies and at the teacher who was expressive and sweet, but he really didn't seem too aware of the activities we were doing.

The verdict is, I'm not giving up. I'm going to wait until the Fall semester and enroll us in the Music 1 class and possibly Gym 2 also. He will get more out of it at 6 months and will still love looking at other babies.

Another observation was that at this young age, Gym was very disruptive to his day. He ate and napped weird the rest of the day. For what it's worth, Gym is also really disruptive to my day. It is 100 degress in the shade and silk chiffon doesn't hold up well after an afternoon of lugging 14 lb baby in and out of the car.

Letting Myself Go

As time progresses, you let things slide with the kid. Such as not changing your infant's clothes right away after he spits up all over them. Why not let him wiggle around nude for a couple of hours until his next bottle and THEN you can throw him in a nice dry sleeper! And what about letting the diaper get a little too full. Yes, this is one full diaper you are seeing here. That delicate yellow hue you see ain't 'cause this is some fancy schmancy designer diaper with Care Bears or Big Bird, it is a good solid quart or so of high grade baby tinkle! How about not changing the sheet on the bassinet quite as quickly as you should? Yessir, this child is wallowing around on Baby Trend's plastic bassinet "mattress" with that pleasant straight-from-the-factory aroma. Don't even think I've ever wiped it down with a damp cloth! And who knows how long it's been since that pacifier was washed and steamed. That one time, maybe? And coming up with fun little games to play together? Forget it! I'll just slap some rattle socks on his feet and let him go to town! That noise I hear is most definitely the squeal of CPS's tires in my driveway!

Happy Father's Day

Like father, well you know the rest...



Have you ever seen anything so sweet?

Teddy Stalks a Bird

... OR

"A Random Bird Stops to Marvel at the Sight of the Largest Cat Ever"

"Nate" The Fashion Statement

I am so loving this bag, a gift from my dear friend, Fiona!

Another Birthday

Today marks Nathan's three month birthday! The time has passed so quickly...



Nate's parents have taken advantage of his good nature by dressing him in funny outfits.

Nate Shows a Strong Aptitude for Cuteness

Some pictures from this weekend... Nate has become very interested in these little toys recently.



Loving his bathtime...



Perplexed...



Loving all the attention...

Pre-Dawn, Mid-Feeding Contemplations

1) Posh Spice looks great for having had three kids...

2) "Great" = ((@PRIOR("Body") + ("Kids" * 3)) * 0) + "Bony" + "Gaunt" + "Plastic Surgery";

3) She must have had them 'naturally' because she doesn't have that little c-section paunch...

4) Shoves baby aside despite voracious sucking to admire flat tummy...

5) Catches glimpse of feet and admires pedicure...

6) Bottle becomes unsuctioned and pokes innocent, angel-faced infant in the neck...

7) Whimpering ensues.... Chastises self for being horrible Mother...

8) Mulls how to work "no wire hangers" into conversation with 3 month old...

9) How do you suppose she got those kids through those scrawny hips?

10) Feels sisterly kinship with Posh, united in paunchlessness...

11) Feels sisterly kinship with Posh, united in lack of musical ability...

12) "I'll tell you want I want, what I really really want"

13) Wonder how she met Becks...

14) Probably some brothel club...

15) Probably asked her to dinner...

16) Back when she used to eat...

"Ay there, young miss, 'ow 'bout some fish 'n chips"
"Why, thank you kindly, guv'nah. I'd fancy a spot 'o tea."
"Fine day, 'tis"
"Aye"
"So soccer football, then?
"Aye... Singing, then... pop music?"
"Aye"
"Jolly good. Got any 'air gel?"

17) Wonder if they'll try to have a girl...

18) Wonder if she's been to visit Bluebell Madonna...

19) Wonder where that whistling sound is coming from...

20) Ah, son has finished bottle and has been ingesting large quantities of air...

21) Thank him for absense of paunch with a cuddle and a kiss...

22) Burp, cuddle, change diaper, rinse, lather, repeat, cuddle, kiss, put to bed...

From this weekend...

"Happiness" = ("Nate" + "Mama") + ("Wakefulness" + "Smiles") - "Inane Musings";

Bumbo: Fun to Say, Hard to Love

I know I'm in the minority here, but I think Nate is at the pinnacle of adorableness when he is hot under the collar. The perfectly defined frown, the way he pumps his little arms and legs in protest, and the way his whole body goes stiff and he lurches backwards as if he is physically trying to remove himself from a state of discontent.

I have full confidence that he'll warm up to his new Bumbo at some point... Perhaps my color selection of "Nuclear Waste Glow Green" is too visually assaulting for his delicate baby sensibilities.

Mama's grown a little weary of all 247 shades of blue...

Babies Love Maiden

I've scouted out an appropriate onesie to meet your baby's holiday needs.



Click here to purchase this lovely garment and other crap merchandise such as the item below...

Blackmail Material

Should a sullen teenaged Nater Tot smart off, miss curfew, or otherwise displease the parentals, these pictures will be lovingly and prominently displayed on occasions when dates and friends alike are visiting.

Although Nate doesn't have an Aunt Clara, he does have an Aunt Mary who loves him very much. She purchased this ensemble for him at a snazzy baby boutique in Beaumont.



Somebody's been hitting the formula pretty hard!



We only hope this fashion trend is not perpetuated in adulthood...