Accidentally Set Baby on Fire and Dropped Flaming Infant onto Metal Spike

Now that I've got your attention, let me tell you about my visit to Gymboree this week. Because you wouldn't have read a post about Gymboree. But flaming babies on spikes piques your interest nicely. In fact, I fully expect you to stop reading since you've now seen the word "Gymboree", realize this post is not the violence and gore advertised, and that you've been surreptitiously duped into reading about an innocuous visit to Baby Gym Class.

Gymboree, if you know anything at all about it, will likely conjure images of toddlers singing songs and doing cutesy hand motions. Parents who take their children to Gymboree are very well intentioned. I consider myself to be well intentioned, wanting the best for my child, wanting him to develop normally, perhaps even desiring that he will even be better than normal, dare I say, advanced.

Gymboree is offered to "students" as early as 6 weeks. The 6 weeks - 6 months class was the one for us. I stopped in the closest gym and spoke with an administrator for a good 20 minutes about the upcoming semester, dues, missed classes, etc. I would pick up Nate from his sitter at lunch, go do a trial 45 minute gym class, decide it changed our lives and enroll for the semester, and then drop him back off at sitter's and then back to work. A lengthy lunch once a week, and we would be well on the road to becoming an orthopedic surgeon/tennis prodigy/inventor of time travel.

Nate is fed and recently napped when I pick him up. I change his diaper preemptively in the back seat. He is in a good mood and ready for some hardcore baby stimulation.

During this initial consultation visit, there was no mention of socks. His lack thereof, and the requirement that I be wearing them. When I pop in for our trial class I'm briefed on the basics:



"Just baby and Mommy in the class!" (In other words, ditch the carrier/ diaper bag/ pacifier/ purse) - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Baby goes barefoot!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Mommy wears socks!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

(Yes, every sentence does end in "!")

"Yeah, I stopped in the other day and spoke with someone for a long time about coming for this trial class, and there was no mention of socks" - Me, eyeing my cute strappy Ralph Lauren sandals

"I sell them! Mommies always forget their socks!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"I didn't forget, nobody told me..." - Me

"I sell them!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

"Would have been nice to know, I'd have brought socks I already own" - Me, becoming more and more aware that these socks I'm going to have to buy are not going to go with what I'm wearing

"It's ok, Mommies always forget them! I sell them! Stick them in your glove box and next time you won't forget them!" - Perky Gymboree Lady

(Sigh) "How much?" - Me

Our class was light, because it was the start of the new summer semester and it just hadn't filled up yet. There was a 4-month-old, a 6-week-old, and lil' Nater Tot (3 1/2-month-old). Their mommies were in comfy sweats and t-shirts, I am in black slacks and a silk chiffon blouse. And socks.

There is some singing, tapping on the ground, massaging baby, trying to get baby's attention with hand motions, baby slobbering on looking at himself in a big mirror during tummy time.

6-week-old, bless his adorable blank-stared little heart, had no balance or neck control and was probably very unaware he was even alive, much less that he was enjoying the first session of his $175/semester gym class. 4-month-old and Nate wanted nothing more than to look at each other the entire time. In fact, halfway through the class I turned Nate away from the teacher and towards 4-month-old to let them stare at each other to their heart's content. I'm doing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "This Little Piggy" on him trying to get him to look at me when we "Wash the spider out!", and he is just cooing and squealing at 4-month-old and 4-month-old is yelping and grinning back at Nate.

Sigh, so much for bonding between us two. He really dug looking at the other babies and at the teacher who was expressive and sweet, but he really didn't seem too aware of the activities we were doing.

The verdict is, I'm not giving up. I'm going to wait until the Fall semester and enroll us in the Music 1 class and possibly Gym 2 also. He will get more out of it at 6 months and will still love looking at other babies.

Another observation was that at this young age, Gym was very disruptive to his day. He ate and napped weird the rest of the day. For what it's worth, Gym is also really disruptive to my day. It is 100 degress in the shade and silk chiffon doesn't hold up well after an afternoon of lugging 14 lb baby in and out of the car.